Trudy helps you through quarantine

Saturday 2nd May 2020 – 10:30

Hello! This is Trudy helping you through the Covid-ridden day.

People tell me they are experiencing difficulties during quarantine. Here are some more good ideas to keep you active and mentally healthy during these difficult times. [Aside: Was that sufficiently patronising?]

1) Look after your skin. It's amazing how doing yourself up raises your spirits. Spend some time getting your basic skincare just right. Rummage through your drawers and dig out all those nearly but not quite finished jars, tubes and bottles, those free samples, those lightly discarded Christmas gifts. Now's the time to use them all. Not only will your skin look so much better, but you will glow with delight at your cleaned-out drawers. Great all round.

2) No-one's looking so don't bother with skin care. Wash your face and that's it. You look like shit anyway.

3) Give your husband a helping hand. Get up in that loft with your hair in a towel, roll your sleeves up over the tattoos and forget the spiders. No high heels, ladies.

4)Time to tidy up. Don't forget to get your husband to take out the bins. Those marvelous, strong bin-men, they do so much for us. Sigh!

5) That Boris Johnson. Fathered a baby with that Carrie. you wouldn't have thought he'd have it in him with all that Latin and the hot wind. Bet they're all laughing at his jokes now in Number 10. Don't like that Dominic Cummings. Lean and hungry, and quite obviously mad. Cheated Covid though. You've got to say that. Needs to look after his skin though.

6) Oh, sorry. Got side-tracked. Gather up all your skincare magazines. Make a little pile of them in the garden and set them alight. Get your hubby to help it along with some petrol. That's like a New Year resolution. Skincare is for suckers. From now on its oatmeal face packs. Every morning before the overnight oats and yoghurt. Don't get them mixed up, ladies!

7) I'm sorry I can't do any more of this. It's making me ill.



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