A Journal of the Plague Year

Tuesday 31st March –7pm I've had another brainwave. This covid thing. It likes lungs. So let's give it lungs. Plastic ones. The whole nation's manufacturing workforce should be bent to making false plastic lungs by the million. Gazillion even. The virus, searching around for somewhere to do its thing, will dive into the plastic lung and sets about its business. (What is its business, by the way?) Anyway, leaving that aside... If we have as many plastic lungs as there are human ones, the virus will either infect, or seek to infect, the false lungs, exhausting themselves in the process. They're not going to up sticks are they? They won't be saying to themselves after ten minutes in a false lung: "Hang on a mo, there's nothing doing here, let's get out of here and find somewhere better." There is nothing in the literature to suggest that this is the way Covid-19 thinks. Of course, some would say it can't think at all. In which case we'...

Tuesday 31st March I think I have it! Regular readers will know that I have worked ceaselessly expending every possible moment of time and surge of energy to find a solution to the problem of the coronavirus. I have recommended all sorts of remedies, from stiking shallots in your nostrils, to anti-aricraft guns up your proboscis. None of these seems to have caught on yet, but it is early days. Give it time to mature in people's minds. However, something caught my eye today which gave me pause for thought. Herds of Kashmiri goats, noticing there was no-one about, have descended from the hils around Great Orme into the Welsh county town of Llandudno. They are grazing on people's lawns and flowers with impunity. No-one comes out to shoo them away. Inside those houses isolating citizens see a goat appear at a window and think they are halucinating. They calmly open another bottle (or roll another joint) and carry on. The apparition goes. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-...