A Word from our Covid Minister – 2

16th May 2020 – 15:30

Hello Minister, and welcome to our studio where regular listeners are waiting to ask you their questions on Covid matters. How are you by the way?

Minister: I'm fine, thanks.

Okay we'll get straight on with it. Our first question comes from Mrs Daisy Sick of Pontefract. Over to you Mrs Sick.

Mrs Daisy Sick: Thank you. Mr Minister, with my surname you think I'd have a lot to say on the subject of Covid-19, but actually I haven't and I am wondering if that is why I have been chosen to ask the first question. What do you think?

Minister: Well, I think it is perfectly possible, Mrs Sick. And may I compliment you on the quite charming way in which you deal with what could be an awkward surname. Straight to the point, no pretence and just get it out of the way. That is precisely the way in which people of these islands of ours have always dealt with awkward issues. You are to be congratulated Mrs Sick on this stalwart and direct approach. We are proud of you.

Mrs Daisy Sick: Thank you, Mr Minister. And may I say that is exactly what I have always felt myself, and coming from one who carries the names Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson it is really saying something. Thank you.

 Minister: Quite. Shall we move on?

 Let's. The next question comes from Major Boothby Boothroyd (Retired) of Chobham. Fire away, Major.

 Thank you. Mr Minister, as a recently retired member of Her Majesty's Loyal Armed Forces I wonder if you have a special word for us. So often, we are last to be mentioned, remembered or acknowledged.

 Minister: Major Boothroyd, thank you for your question. It brought a lump to my throat. And may I, as a senior minister in Her Majesty's Government, thank you personally for all you, and your comrades, have done at this difficult time. It has been, once again, as on so many occasions in the past, an absolute privilege to witness the stalwart and courageous approach you and your brave comrades have taken to this difficult situation. We, in govenment, know (and it is widely echoed throughout our land) that we can always rely on our Armed Forces in times of peril, and once again, when push came to shove, we find that the best of our country take one step forward to volunteer for dangerous and difficult jobs like staying cooped up in barracks the length and breadth of the land – a land we all love and would happily die for – except of Covid-19. One has to draw the line. Let me say, though, that I am making it a personal crusade of mine to make sure that the Armed Forces' role in these troubled times will not go unremembered, or unmarked. I have asked that a special medal be struck for our brave lads, and their brave leaders. It will be known as the Covid-19 task force medal and will be given to every member of the Armed Forces who laid down their bodies in barracks for the duration without a single word of complaint.

 Oh, sorry Minister, but we seem to have run out of time. What a shame. 

 Minister: Is that the exit? Can I get a burger at the cafeteria?

It's closed, Minister.

Minister: Bugger!




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