A word from our Covid minister
Welcome everyone to another in our series of A Word from our Covid Minister, where Downing Street, Whitehall and the Cabinet Office are put to the searing and insightful questions of our listeners. Welcome, Minister. Let's start straight away with a question from Mrs I Vadenuf of Ashton-under-lyme. Go ahead Mrs I Vadenuf.
Er. Hello. I'd like to ask the Minister about U-turns. Isn't there meant to be a decent interval between contradictory statements as issued by government and its ministers? There always used to be.
Hello, Mrs I Vadenuf, and thanks for your blistering insight into things political. It's true that in the old days it was felt necessary to leave a decent interval, as you put it, between saying 2+2 =4 and the announcement that 2+2=5, which, as we all know, it does since our policy reveal on Monday. However, things have moved on from when you were a nipper, Mrs Vadenuf. What with social media, electronic things and internet computers and what not, everything is much faster. And, frankly, Mrs Vadenuf we're just following the inevitable trend here. News media everywhere report what one says whether it fits or doesn't. We don't worry about that too much these days. We've got used to it and frankly, Mrs Vadenuf, so has the great listening British public. They know not to listen to closely to what we say, and, indeed, they have come to undersand that the opposite of what we say on Monday, will probably pertain on Tuesday and thereafter until we need to change it back again. But consider what an advantage this is for the country. We can now turn on a sixpence (a reference I know that a woman of your considerable age and experience will feel comfortable with) and do a volte-face as and when required, making our policy-making decisions flexible in a way they just weren't in the grand old days of your youth. I hope that explains things. I know how new-fangled things can wrankle with the decline in one's mental capacity that comes with increasing decripitutde. Try some cranberry juice in your sanatogen. Carrie swears by it. Not that she takes it herself of course. She is still a very flexible woman as I was remarking only last night.
Er...thank you Minister. Let's turn to another caller now, this time it's the Right Reverend Conan Peevish of St Thomas's Parish in County Antrim.
Thank you. Minister, it is obvious that we need to keep Covidic people out of the country. Can you promise that Americans are not going to be allowed in to the UK until they have provided clear tests and spent 14 days in isolation?
No.
Thank you, Minister. Next week, the Minister is unavailable for his usual visit to our studios so we can look forward to a restoration of our pre-Covid romance, Toast on Toast.
Er. Hello. I'd like to ask the Minister about U-turns. Isn't there meant to be a decent interval between contradictory statements as issued by government and its ministers? There always used to be.
Hello, Mrs I Vadenuf, and thanks for your blistering insight into things political. It's true that in the old days it was felt necessary to leave a decent interval, as you put it, between saying 2+2 =4 and the announcement that 2+2=5, which, as we all know, it does since our policy reveal on Monday. However, things have moved on from when you were a nipper, Mrs Vadenuf. What with social media, electronic things and internet computers and what not, everything is much faster. And, frankly, Mrs Vadenuf we're just following the inevitable trend here. News media everywhere report what one says whether it fits or doesn't. We don't worry about that too much these days. We've got used to it and frankly, Mrs Vadenuf, so has the great listening British public. They know not to listen to closely to what we say, and, indeed, they have come to undersand that the opposite of what we say on Monday, will probably pertain on Tuesday and thereafter until we need to change it back again. But consider what an advantage this is for the country. We can now turn on a sixpence (a reference I know that a woman of your considerable age and experience will feel comfortable with) and do a volte-face as and when required, making our policy-making decisions flexible in a way they just weren't in the grand old days of your youth. I hope that explains things. I know how new-fangled things can wrankle with the decline in one's mental capacity that comes with increasing decripitutde. Try some cranberry juice in your sanatogen. Carrie swears by it. Not that she takes it herself of course. She is still a very flexible woman as I was remarking only last night.
Er...thank you Minister. Let's turn to another caller now, this time it's the Right Reverend Conan Peevish of St Thomas's Parish in County Antrim.
Thank you. Minister, it is obvious that we need to keep Covidic people out of the country. Can you promise that Americans are not going to be allowed in to the UK until they have provided clear tests and spent 14 days in isolation?
No.
Thank you, Minister. Next week, the Minister is unavailable for his usual visit to our studios so we can look forward to a restoration of our pre-Covid romance, Toast on Toast.
Comments
Post a Comment